Uncertainty

This has been an exciting last few days for us, as we found out that a birthmom in South Carolina has chosen us to adopt her little boy! But at the same time, I am having trouble getting plans made, not because I don't have time (we've been stuck inside for the last 4 days due to a snowstorm and extreme cold) or because I am unorganized (I'm about as OCD as it gets). No, it's because of the uncertainty. With adoption, there is always a chance that something could change -- a birthmom could decide that in the end she really doesn't want you as her adoptive family or that she is going to keep the child and raise him herself. And since we have yet to actually speak with her and won't get to see her before the baby is born, what if we don't feel comfortable with her? There are so many unanswered questions right now, not to mention the fact that I'm in Missouri, my adoption case worker is in Seattle, and our birthmom is in South Carolina. That's 3 different time zones that we're trying to coordinate and figure out. It makes me scared to buy the plane ticket, to book the hotels, to get the baby bedding. There's always that "what if?" factor.

With all this uncertainty, the one thing I am certain of is that God is in control and He has a plan. Surprisingly, I haven't gotten too stressed out about it. If things fall through, I know He has another child in mind for us. How difficult is it going to be to fly to South Carolina and stay in hotels for an undetermined amount of time with a 14-month old? It won't be easy, but at least Aaron should be there with us, and heck, who doesn't want a vacation in sunny South Carolina in the middle of March? I'm sure God will work all that out too.

I'm mostly praying for peace and wisdom and that God will work out all the details. And that the baby will arrive on his due date. If he's early, Aaron may not make it back in time. And if he's late, we could be living in a hotel in South Carolina for a month. Neither option sounds all that great to me.

The next 6 weeks are going to be exciting and scary, but I'm hopeful and trusting that God has a plan, even if I don't.