I know I will probably need to write another blog thanking everyone after this whole ordeal is done, but there are some people who I want to make sure I remember to thank while it's all still fresh on my mind.
Malachi: thank you for letting me go be with Isaiah while you stayed with Grandpa and Grammy. You are such a trooper, and so strong -- I miss you more than I can say.
Mom and Dad: Not only did I get to stay with you for 3 months, but then Mom flew Malachi back to Missouri all by yourself and you are taking care of my big man for me. And you helped me organize an entire house and put a nursery together in 3 days. You are incredible people, and I would not be able to be here with Isaiah every day if it weren't for you. Thank you.
Laura: Thank you for letting Mom and Dad stay with Malachi and help me out when you need them to help you get ready for your new baby. Thank you for your sacrifice, and for all of your advice that helps me stay calm when I get worried about Isaiah. It is so nice to have a nurse in the family, especially one as smart as you. You are great at helping me navigate the world of the NICU.
Brent and Ginger Nolker (and Gabriel and Esther): Wow -- I can't begin to thank you for your hospitality, offering to let me stay with you for as long as I need, and having breakfast for me in the morning and dinner with brownies, cake, and ice cream for dessert. And Gabriel and Esther's pictures are awesome -- talking with them in the mornings before I leave always puts a smile on my face. Thank you all for helping me laugh at the end of the day and making a tough situation so much easier.
Jenni and Dewy Webb: Thank you, Jenni, for taking me to the airport on Tuesday night when the snow storm had just begun. I loved getting to talk with you! And thank you Dewy for taking time off work to drive my mom and Malachi through the snow to the airport, and then getting all of their bags inside for them. You guys are amazing, and we are so blessed to be in your community group. Thanks for showing what true community is like and how the church should look. We love you!
SOALO ladies: Thank you for your emails, encouragement, support, prayers, rides from the airport, and offers to watch Malachi. You all have been unbelievable -- I never thought I would know women who are so supportive of each other and so willing to help. You have been like second family throughout this deployment, and I'm so thankful for you all.
Journey Church: Thank you for your prayers and support and offers to help however you can. It is wonderful to part of such a great church family. We are blessed.
And to all my other friends and family who are too many to name: I can't tell you how much the emails, phone calls, and Facebook messages have helped. Being here alone in South Carolina has been tough, but your encouragement and prayers are what get me through each day. Thank you!
I can't wait to bring Isaiah home, have Aaron home, and be back together as a family again. I know this time is temporary, and it is all of you who have helped give me the faith and strength to get through it. We love you all!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Isaiah is officially ours!
Well, I don't know how "official" official is until finalization. But Heather and John (the birthparents) signed the relinquishment papers this afternoon, and then I signed the placement papers saying he is officially placed with us for adoption! It is so exciting to know he's ours, but it's sad too -- that means Heather and John had to sign away their rights to him today, which has to be hard. However, we don't have a typical adoption at all ...
About 3 hours before Heather went to sign her papers, she came to the hospital to check on Isaiah. The two of us sat in his room in the NICU together, taking turns holding him and chatting about the adoption, traveling, cooking, and anything else that came to mind. We laughed a lot and talked a lot. It's as if we have been friends forever. Then we both decided we were hungry, so there we were, walking down the halls of the hospital together, headed to the cafeteria to eat lunch together. How amazing is that?! I don't think there are many adoptions where the birth mother and the adoptive mother are friends like that, but Isaiah is a lucky little guy. He has two moms who care deeply about him and who are actually friends! We talked about how we want to be in frequent contact, and exchanged email addresses and phone numbers so we can contact each other and I can send her weekly (or daily -- whatever I feel like) emails and pictures of little Isaiah. We talked about visiting once or twice a year, and she said she'd love to come see us so we don't have to travel, because she likes adventure and seeing the world. How cool is that?! I never imagined that our relationship would be this easy, but it has been. While this whole adoption, with traveling across the country and Aaron deployed and Isaiah in the NICU has been hard, being with Heather and her family has been easy and one of the highlights of it all. In fact, her parents are hoping they can take me out to dinner and show me around Columbia some time this week. Amazing.
God is so gracious in the midst of all of this. What a blessing this adoption has been -- not only have we gotten a new son, we've made new friends, and in a way, "adopted" a whole new family.
About 3 hours before Heather went to sign her papers, she came to the hospital to check on Isaiah. The two of us sat in his room in the NICU together, taking turns holding him and chatting about the adoption, traveling, cooking, and anything else that came to mind. We laughed a lot and talked a lot. It's as if we have been friends forever. Then we both decided we were hungry, so there we were, walking down the halls of the hospital together, headed to the cafeteria to eat lunch together. How amazing is that?! I don't think there are many adoptions where the birth mother and the adoptive mother are friends like that, but Isaiah is a lucky little guy. He has two moms who care deeply about him and who are actually friends! We talked about how we want to be in frequent contact, and exchanged email addresses and phone numbers so we can contact each other and I can send her weekly (or daily -- whatever I feel like) emails and pictures of little Isaiah. We talked about visiting once or twice a year, and she said she'd love to come see us so we don't have to travel, because she likes adventure and seeing the world. How cool is that?! I never imagined that our relationship would be this easy, but it has been. While this whole adoption, with traveling across the country and Aaron deployed and Isaiah in the NICU has been hard, being with Heather and her family has been easy and one of the highlights of it all. In fact, her parents are hoping they can take me out to dinner and show me around Columbia some time this week. Amazing.
God is so gracious in the midst of all of this. What a blessing this adoption has been -- not only have we gotten a new son, we've made new friends, and in a way, "adopted" a whole new family.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Isaiah Daniel
Wow. The last 2 days have been a whirlwind. When I found out at 7:30 on Tuesday morning that our birthmom was in labor and I needed to buy a plane ticket to get to South Carolina as soon as possible, I didn't know what to think. I had so much to do -- pack for me and the baby, get papers signed, buy a plane ticket, book a rental car, etc. And then say good-bye to Malachi, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My mom is a saint -- she agreed to take care of Malachi and fly him back to Missouri by herself so that he could stay with her and my dad until I got back to Seattle. To say I owe her is an understatement.
Not only was the stress of leaving bad enough, but then I got a call from the social worker in South Carolina saying that the baby had been taken to the NICU with respiratory problems, and the hospital was refusing to let me see him, so I might as well cancel my fight and wait. I was furious and scared and a complete wreck. I felt so bad for the little guy to have to be sitting all day in an incubator by himself with nobody there. And the birthmom was in emergency surgery with a blood clot the size of a tennis ball, so she couldn't do anything about it. In the end, I decided I was flying out anyway, and I would make it into that hospital to see my son if it meant getting on CNN to do it. Thankfully, I didn't have to take it that far, and the birthmom stepped in and told the hospital she wanted me there or else.
So I arrived at the hospital, got scrubbed up, and came to see little Isaiah. There he was, lying in an incubator with oxygen in his nose, a feeding tube coming out of his mouth, an IV in his arm, and wires all over the place. It was so sad and scary. But at least I was seeing him, and I got to hold his hand and rub his arm. His heart was great, his digestive system was great, his size was not preemie at all (6lbs. 10oz. and 18.6 inches long), but his lungs weren't working right. His breathing was labored and very rapid. I was unable to hold him, and they didn't want him to be stimulated very much, so we covered his incubator with a blanket and I just sat in the room staring at the monitor and blinking numbers. It was the most helpless I've ever felt.
To be here alone, without Aaron, who is normally the strong, sensible one, while I come from a long line of over reactors, has been hard. I have no one to lean on but God. But you know, God has been faithful. The social worker has been very supportive. And my friends from college, Brent and Ginger, live 45 minutes away and are letting me stay with them, even cooking me dinner! What a huge blessing -- it is so nice to have some place to go at night where there are people I can talk to and I can get away from the hospital.
In addition, the birth mom and her family are incredible -- it's like they've adopted me as part of their family, completely accepting me. The birthmom and I talk like we've been friends for years! Having them here has been amazing. It hasn't been scary, and Heather has never wavered in her decision to give Isaiah up for adoption. But she cares deeply about him. She came and sat by him, and we exchanged phone numbers before she was discharged so that I can call her if there is a change in his status. She will come visit him tomorrow on her way to the adoption agency to sign relinquishment papers, and I can't wait to see her (hopefully by then we'll be allowed to hold him). And I told her if she wants to come back to the hospital every day until he leaves, she can do it. I don't care if she's relinquished her rights or not -- she's still Isaiah's birthmom and still worried about him and deserves to get to see him.
The last 3 days have been some of the hardest of my life. To be away from Malachi is killing me. To sit in a hospital room alone (thank heavens this hospital has private rooms in the NICU!) staring at a little boy in an incubator who I've never even been able to hold is so sad. But strangely, I don't feel alone. I know God is here with me. I know He is comforting Malachi right now. And I know he has special angels watching over little Isaiah. I don't understand why God allowed this to happen. If Isaiah hadn't been 3 1/2 weeks early, Aaron and Malachi would have been able to be here, he probably wouldn't have needed to be in the NICU, and we would be able to fly back to Seattle as a whole family. I don't know why God allowed him to come early, to catch pneumonia, and to have me here by myself. But I do know He has a perfect plan. And even if that plan doesn't line up with mine, I have to trust this His is better. Because He's God, not me. He sees the bigger picture, and I just see the present. And He loves me and Aaron and Malachi and Isaiah. Even if I don't like it, I am choosing to believe that the plan is good.
One of my friends emailed me a verse that was perfect:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Thank you, Lord, that you are in control, and we can trust in You.
Not only was the stress of leaving bad enough, but then I got a call from the social worker in South Carolina saying that the baby had been taken to the NICU with respiratory problems, and the hospital was refusing to let me see him, so I might as well cancel my fight and wait. I was furious and scared and a complete wreck. I felt so bad for the little guy to have to be sitting all day in an incubator by himself with nobody there. And the birthmom was in emergency surgery with a blood clot the size of a tennis ball, so she couldn't do anything about it. In the end, I decided I was flying out anyway, and I would make it into that hospital to see my son if it meant getting on CNN to do it. Thankfully, I didn't have to take it that far, and the birthmom stepped in and told the hospital she wanted me there or else.
So I arrived at the hospital, got scrubbed up, and came to see little Isaiah. There he was, lying in an incubator with oxygen in his nose, a feeding tube coming out of his mouth, an IV in his arm, and wires all over the place. It was so sad and scary. But at least I was seeing him, and I got to hold his hand and rub his arm. His heart was great, his digestive system was great, his size was not preemie at all (6lbs. 10oz. and 18.6 inches long), but his lungs weren't working right. His breathing was labored and very rapid. I was unable to hold him, and they didn't want him to be stimulated very much, so we covered his incubator with a blanket and I just sat in the room staring at the monitor and blinking numbers. It was the most helpless I've ever felt.
To be here alone, without Aaron, who is normally the strong, sensible one, while I come from a long line of over reactors, has been hard. I have no one to lean on but God. But you know, God has been faithful. The social worker has been very supportive. And my friends from college, Brent and Ginger, live 45 minutes away and are letting me stay with them, even cooking me dinner! What a huge blessing -- it is so nice to have some place to go at night where there are people I can talk to and I can get away from the hospital.
In addition, the birth mom and her family are incredible -- it's like they've adopted me as part of their family, completely accepting me. The birthmom and I talk like we've been friends for years! Having them here has been amazing. It hasn't been scary, and Heather has never wavered in her decision to give Isaiah up for adoption. But she cares deeply about him. She came and sat by him, and we exchanged phone numbers before she was discharged so that I can call her if there is a change in his status. She will come visit him tomorrow on her way to the adoption agency to sign relinquishment papers, and I can't wait to see her (hopefully by then we'll be allowed to hold him). And I told her if she wants to come back to the hospital every day until he leaves, she can do it. I don't care if she's relinquished her rights or not -- she's still Isaiah's birthmom and still worried about him and deserves to get to see him.
The last 3 days have been some of the hardest of my life. To be away from Malachi is killing me. To sit in a hospital room alone (thank heavens this hospital has private rooms in the NICU!) staring at a little boy in an incubator who I've never even been able to hold is so sad. But strangely, I don't feel alone. I know God is here with me. I know He is comforting Malachi right now. And I know he has special angels watching over little Isaiah. I don't understand why God allowed this to happen. If Isaiah hadn't been 3 1/2 weeks early, Aaron and Malachi would have been able to be here, he probably wouldn't have needed to be in the NICU, and we would be able to fly back to Seattle as a whole family. I don't know why God allowed him to come early, to catch pneumonia, and to have me here by myself. But I do know He has a perfect plan. And even if that plan doesn't line up with mine, I have to trust this His is better. Because He's God, not me. He sees the bigger picture, and I just see the present. And He loves me and Aaron and Malachi and Isaiah. Even if I don't like it, I am choosing to believe that the plan is good.
One of my friends emailed me a verse that was perfect:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Thank you, Lord, that you are in control, and we can trust in You.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Greatest Fear
Having spoken with two birthmothers now, I have heard the same fear from both of them: What if my son thinks that I gave him up because I didn't love him? I tear up each time I hear or think of this. To me, there is no greater love than to give your son up, knowing that it is for his good, not because you do not love him, but because you love him too much. These birthmothers are making the unselfish, sacrificial choice. In an age when getting an abortion is cheap and easy and can be done without anyone knowing, they chose to carry a child to full-term.
Malachi's birthmom was 15. Can you imagine what it was like for her to be 9 months pregnant in high school and then to give the baby up? Or our new son's birthmom -- 27 years old and surrounded by people mocking her and questioning her for giving her child away? The scorn they face from others, as well as the pain they feel in giving their children up for adoption, cannot be comprehended by the rest of us. These women, and all women who choose adoption for their children, deserve our greatest respect, our support, and our prayers.
Malachi's birthmom was 15. Can you imagine what it was like for her to be 9 months pregnant in high school and then to give the baby up? Or our new son's birthmom -- 27 years old and surrounded by people mocking her and questioning her for giving her child away? The scorn they face from others, as well as the pain they feel in giving their children up for adoption, cannot be comprehended by the rest of us. These women, and all women who choose adoption for their children, deserve our greatest respect, our support, and our prayers.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Uncertainty
This has been an exciting last few days for us, as we found out that a birthmom in South Carolina has chosen us to adopt her little boy! But at the same time, I am having trouble getting plans made, not because I don't have time (we've been stuck inside for the last 4 days due to a snowstorm and extreme cold) or because I am unorganized (I'm about as OCD as it gets). No, it's because of the uncertainty. With adoption, there is always a chance that something could change -- a birthmom could decide that in the end she really doesn't want you as her adoptive family or that she is going to keep the child and raise him herself. And since we have yet to actually speak with her and won't get to see her before the baby is born, what if we don't feel comfortable with her? There are so many unanswered questions right now, not to mention the fact that I'm in Missouri, my adoption case worker is in Seattle, and our birthmom is in South Carolina. That's 3 different time zones that we're trying to coordinate and figure out. It makes me scared to buy the plane ticket, to book the hotels, to get the baby bedding. There's always that "what if?" factor.
With all this uncertainty, the one thing I am certain of is that God is in control and He has a plan. Surprisingly, I haven't gotten too stressed out about it. If things fall through, I know He has another child in mind for us. How difficult is it going to be to fly to South Carolina and stay in hotels for an undetermined amount of time with a 14-month old? It won't be easy, but at least Aaron should be there with us, and heck, who doesn't want a vacation in sunny South Carolina in the middle of March? I'm sure God will work all that out too.
I'm mostly praying for peace and wisdom and that God will work out all the details. And that the baby will arrive on his due date. If he's early, Aaron may not make it back in time. And if he's late, we could be living in a hotel in South Carolina for a month. Neither option sounds all that great to me.
The next 6 weeks are going to be exciting and scary, but I'm hopeful and trusting that God has a plan, even if I don't.
With all this uncertainty, the one thing I am certain of is that God is in control and He has a plan. Surprisingly, I haven't gotten too stressed out about it. If things fall through, I know He has another child in mind for us. How difficult is it going to be to fly to South Carolina and stay in hotels for an undetermined amount of time with a 14-month old? It won't be easy, but at least Aaron should be there with us, and heck, who doesn't want a vacation in sunny South Carolina in the middle of March? I'm sure God will work all that out too.
I'm mostly praying for peace and wisdom and that God will work out all the details. And that the baby will arrive on his due date. If he's early, Aaron may not make it back in time. And if he's late, we could be living in a hotel in South Carolina for a month. Neither option sounds all that great to me.
The next 6 weeks are going to be exciting and scary, but I'm hopeful and trusting that God has a plan, even if I don't.
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