Aaron's Thoughts on Adoption

When we considered adoption it was much more than a means by which to get a baby. We quickly realized the responsibility and privilege that we are given as Christians to care for the “widows and orphans” in our community. When we think of how God loved us so much that he chose to adopt us into his family upon no merit of our own, adoption became our way of expressing that love back to God, to a child, and to a young woman who suddenly became a mother. In the Bible, James says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

It was much harder for me to put on hold the desire to see my genes passed on to the next generation than it was for Audrey. It is a natural desire to see a little bit of yourself in your child. Every guy deep down wants to see his child excel where he fell short whether it be in sports, school, or his occupation. This affirms our idea that we could have done better if only our weight class had not be so tough at wrestling sectionals or if the quarterback on our football team would have thrown the pass a little better. It took some time for me to wrap my head around loving a child that not only has no genetic tie to me but isn’t even the same color as I am. However, my fears of not being able to “bond” with him were soon completely forgotten.

When we went to the hospital it was a very odd mix of excitement and sadness. Though I was as excited as any parent could be to see their new baby, I kept thinking about the heartache that Ashley (birthmother) and her family were experiencing as well as the potential hurt that Malachi may go through. The questions why did my mom want to give me up? Did she not love me started going through my mind. As I watched Ashley, the answer became easy. Malachi’s birthmother demonstrated the most incredible act of love that any women could. While at the hospital we were torn between our desire to enjoy our new baby and giving Ashley the opportunity to enjoy the little time that she would have with him.

Adoption many times is seen as plan B. People adopt because they can’t have a “real” baby. Malachi is a greater blessing to us than any biological child could ever be. Though we have no genetic reason to love him, we could not imagine giving him up. We thank God that we have the resources and the opportunity to raise such a special boy and look forward to many more.

Placement Ceremony

Yesterday it became official that Malachi has been "placed" in our home for good. We still will not officially adopt him for another 6 months, because we have to have 3 home visits and then go to court to obtain the papers and his birth certificate and things. But the "legal risk" period where his birth mother can take him back is now up, and he's ours!!!

To celebrate this, we had a "Placement Ceremony" at the adoption agency yesterday. We were there along with our social worker and Malachi's birth mom, birth grandma, and birth aunt (I guess that's how to say it). It was awesome to see Ashley again and to watch her get to hold Malachi. During the ceremony we each had a part to say or read, and Ashley wrote out a letter to Malachi and to us. We all cried through the whole thing. She told Mac that her biggest fear is that he will grow up thinking she doesn't love him, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. She cries herself to sleep at night thinking of him, and she has a picture of him in her room that she kisses every night before she goes to bed and every morning before she gets up. She misses him like crazy, but then said she is so thankful for Aaron and me, because she knows Malachi will be loved and taken care of. Through my tears, I told Ashley that we pray for her every day and that I tell Malachi every single day that he is so loved by Ashley. I can't wait until he gets old enough to understand so that I can tell him the whole story of how much she loves him.

Malachi is a lucky guy, because he has 2 "moms" who love him dearly. Ashley is an amazing young woman, and as we said in the ceremony, we're both excited for Malachi and sad at the same time, knowing how hard it is for her to give him up. She is so courageous. This probably sounds like the whole ceremony was really sad, but by the end we were all laughing at Malachi as he made funny faces, and the tears had stopped, replaced by a peace of knowing that we had all done the right thing. Ashley and her family left without tears - they had gotten to see him and knew he was doing all right. We will be sending her pictures right after Christmas so she can see how darn cute he is and all the presents he's getting, and hopefully we'll be setting up another meeting soon. We feel so blessed to have Ashley in our lives. She gave us a priceless gift, just as God gave up His Son for us. Now that is love.

A little about Malachi

I haven't written on the blog for awhile, because Aaron started an amazing post, but then he got writer's block and hasn't been able to finish. So until his brain gets unblocked, I decided I'd let everyone know a little about Malachi. So, here's his "get to know you" info:

• Malachi LOVES to eat - he usually eats 3-4oz. per meal, every 3 hours during the day and (usually) every 4 hours at night. Eating is his favorite thing to do, and if you don't get him his bottle quickly enough, he shakes his head back and forth rapidly trying to figure out where the bottle is. I have been trying to tell him that patience is a virtue he needs to work on, but he has decided now is not the time. I think he is trying to work on kindness instead, and indeed, he has nothing bad to say about anyone and is generally happy no matter who is holding him.
• Sleeping is not Malachi's favorite thing; he takes after me rather than Aaron in this respect. At only a week old, Malachi can stay awake for about 1 1/2 hours at a time! He once stretched it to 2 hours, but that is pretty unusual and was due to his oversleeping earlier. When he's awake he likes to look around and has started staring at our faces. He is generally content when awake, unless he has gas. Then I have to move his legs around to help him get it out.
• Malachi has amazing range when he pees. He hit a nurse 3 feet away when getting weighed and he's pretty good at peeing everywhere when his diaper is changed. Sometimes he gets to wear 3 outfits a day! The only time he doesn't pee is when he's getting bathed, which seems odd to me, but oh well.
• Malachi's favorite thing to watch on TV is Wavy 10 News - he loves the little jingle that precedes the show. He always likes to listen to his daddy talk. I think he has started to tune me out because I talk so much, but it's okay. I switch between English and French depending on just how tired I am, so maybe I'm confusing him.
  
• Malachi loves treadmills. I take this as a good sign. Whenever I take him down to the gym at our apartment to run on the treadmill, he sits mesmerized and then quickly falls asleep. If he becomes a fussy baby, I may become one heck of a runner.

So, that's a little bit about Malachi. He's pretty much the cutest baby ever, and has changed so much already! His cheeks are getting bigger, and he's got an awesome double chin. We love him so much, and he can't wait to meet all of you!