Sizing Up the Competition

I love the adoption process and the picture that adoption gives of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But there is one part to adoption that just doesn't feel natural: the competition. This wasn't really a big deal with our first adoption, since Malachi's birthmom chose us about a week after we had been approved, and our adoption profile wasn't even online for others to look at. However, with the second adoption, things have been a little different.

We started the process for the second adoption back in the summer, and were finally approved and ready to go in November. This time our profile was put online on Bethany Christian Service's website, and we made a bunch of photo albums that can be handed out to prospective birthmothers. The problem is, when I went to check our profile online, I also noticed there were 11 other profiles listed under the state of Washington. And, being the curious and extremely competitive person that I am, I, of course, read everyone else's profile so that I could size up the competition. "We're definitely cooler than them; ooh, they're really good looking; nope, they have us beat; but at least we're better than them." I just can't help it! And I have a feeling I'm not the only one out there thinking this. Because you see, in a way, we're all competing to be chosen by a birthmother. We all try to put our best foot forward, and you can't help trying to put yourself in a birthmother's shoes to figure out who she's going to choose. Our good points, in my mind, are our adorable son, our youth, our education, and our adventurous spirit. The way I see it, the Navy is probably our downfall, as some birthmoms would not want to place their kid with a military family that moves around a lot. But you never know. Maybe we're too short for a birthmom. Maybe the birthmom is racist and doesn't want to place a child with a family that has an AA child. Maybe she's racist and doesn't like white people. Maybe I should have gotten professional family photos taken before Aaron left on deployment. Maybe she wants a family with a house on 10 acres in the country and a dog instead of one living in an apartment. Maybe ...

I can second guess myself all I want, but the reality is, this is who we are. I can't change that. I cannot grow taller (believe me, I've tried), I don't like dogs, and my husband has a great job in the Navy. This is our life. When I start to worry about stuff like this, God quickly points out to me that He is in complete control. He has a baby already picked out for us in His perfect timing. He's the one in control, not me, and not the birthmoms. That's a comforting feeling. It has made the 6 rejections in the last month by birthmoms much easier to handle. I don't know if I'll ever be able to shake the questions about what why someone doesn't want me to raise their child, but I can know that God is sovereign and completely trustworthy, so if a birthmom rejects us, it means there's a different, perfect baby out there for us. All I have to do is wait patiently and trust in God's timing. Easier said than done.