When we considered adoption it was much more than a means by which to get a baby. We quickly realized the responsibility and privilege that we are given as Christians to care for the “widows and orphans” in our community. When we think of how God loved us so much that he chose to adopt us into his family upon no merit of our own, adoption became our way of expressing that love back to God, to a child, and to a young woman who suddenly became a mother. In the Bible, James says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
It was much harder for me to put on hold the desire to see my genes passed on to the next generation than it was for Audrey. It is a natural desire to see a little bit of yourself in your child. Every guy deep down wants to see his child excel where he fell short whether it be in sports, school, or his occupation. This affirms our idea that we could have done better if only our weight class had not be so tough at wrestling sectionals or if the quarterback on our football team would have thrown the pass a little better. It took some time for me to wrap my head around loving a child that not only has no genetic tie to me but isn’t even the same color as I am. However, my fears of not being able to “bond” with him were soon completely forgotten.
When we went to the hospital it was a very odd mix of excitement and sadness. Though I was as excited as any parent could be to see their new baby, I kept thinking about the heartache that Ashley (birthmother) and her family were experiencing as well as the potential hurt that Malachi may go through. The questions why did my mom want to give me up? Did she not love me started going through my mind. As I watched Ashley, the answer became easy. Malachi’s birthmother demonstrated the most incredible act of love that any women could. While at the hospital we were torn between our desire to enjoy our new baby and giving Ashley the opportunity to enjoy the little time that she would have with him.
Adoption many times is seen as plan B. People adopt because they can’t have a “real” baby. Malachi is a greater blessing to us than any biological child could ever be. Though we have no genetic reason to love him, we could not imagine giving him up. We thank God that we have the resources and the opportunity to raise such a special boy and look forward to many more.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Placement Ceremony
Yesterday it became official that Malachi has been "placed" in our home for good. We still will not officially adopt him for another 6 months, because we have to have 3 home visits and then go to court to obtain the papers and his birth certificate and things. But the "legal risk" period where his birth mother can take him back is now up, and he's ours!!!
To celebrate this, we had a "Placement Ceremony" at the adoption agency yesterday. We were there along with our social worker and Malachi's birth mom, birth grandma, and birth aunt (I guess that's how to say it). It was awesome to see Ashley again and to watch her get to hold Malachi. During the ceremony we each had a part to say or read, and Ashley wrote out a letter to Malachi and to us. We all cried through the whole thing. She told Mac that her biggest fear is that he will grow up thinking she doesn't love him, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. She cries herself to sleep at night thinking of him, and she has a picture of him in her room that she kisses every night before she goes to bed and every morning before she gets up. She misses him like crazy, but then said she is so thankful for Aaron and me, because she knows Malachi will be loved and taken care of. Through my tears, I told Ashley that we pray for her every day and that I tell Malachi every single day that he is so loved by Ashley. I can't wait until he gets old enough to understand so that I can tell him the whole story of how much she loves him.
Malachi is a lucky guy, because he has 2 "moms" who love him dearly. Ashley is an amazing young woman, and as we said in the ceremony, we're both excited for Malachi and sad at the same time, knowing how hard it is for her to give him up. She is so courageous. This probably sounds like the whole ceremony was really sad, but by the end we were all laughing at Malachi as he made funny faces, and the tears had stopped, replaced by a peace of knowing that we had all done the right thing. Ashley and her family left without tears - they had gotten to see him and knew he was doing all right. We will be sending her pictures right after Christmas so she can see how darn cute he is and all the presents he's getting, and hopefully we'll be setting up another meeting soon. We feel so blessed to have Ashley in our lives. She gave us a priceless gift, just as God gave up His Son for us. Now that is love.
To celebrate this, we had a "Placement Ceremony" at the adoption agency yesterday. We were there along with our social worker and Malachi's birth mom, birth grandma, and birth aunt (I guess that's how to say it). It was awesome to see Ashley again and to watch her get to hold Malachi. During the ceremony we each had a part to say or read, and Ashley wrote out a letter to Malachi and to us. We all cried through the whole thing. She told Mac that her biggest fear is that he will grow up thinking she doesn't love him, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. She cries herself to sleep at night thinking of him, and she has a picture of him in her room that she kisses every night before she goes to bed and every morning before she gets up. She misses him like crazy, but then said she is so thankful for Aaron and me, because she knows Malachi will be loved and taken care of. Through my tears, I told Ashley that we pray for her every day and that I tell Malachi every single day that he is so loved by Ashley. I can't wait until he gets old enough to understand so that I can tell him the whole story of how much she loves him.
Malachi is a lucky guy, because he has 2 "moms" who love him dearly. Ashley is an amazing young woman, and as we said in the ceremony, we're both excited for Malachi and sad at the same time, knowing how hard it is for her to give him up. She is so courageous. This probably sounds like the whole ceremony was really sad, but by the end we were all laughing at Malachi as he made funny faces, and the tears had stopped, replaced by a peace of knowing that we had all done the right thing. Ashley and her family left without tears - they had gotten to see him and knew he was doing all right. We will be sending her pictures right after Christmas so she can see how darn cute he is and all the presents he's getting, and hopefully we'll be setting up another meeting soon. We feel so blessed to have Ashley in our lives. She gave us a priceless gift, just as God gave up His Son for us. Now that is love.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
A little about Malachi
I haven't written on the blog for awhile, because Aaron started an amazing post, but then he got writer's block and hasn't been able to finish. So until his brain gets unblocked, I decided I'd let everyone know a little about Malachi. So, here's his "get to know you" info:
- Malachi LOVES to eat - he usually eats 3-4oz. per meal, every 3 hours during the day and (usually) every 4 hours at night. Eating is his favorite thing to do, and if you don't get him his bottle quickly enough, he shakes his head back and forth rapidly trying to figure out where the bottle is. I have been trying to tell him that patience is a virtue he needs to work on, but he has decided now is not the time. I think he is trying to work on kindness instead, and indeed, he has nothing bad to say about anyone and is generally happy no matter who is holding him.
- Sleeping is not Malachi's favorite thing; he takes after me rather than Aaron in this respect. At only a week old, Malachi can stay awake for about 1 1/2 hours at a time! He once stretched it to 2 hours, but that is pretty unusual and was due to his oversleeping earlier. When he's awake he likes to look around and has started staring at our faces. He is generally content when awake, unless he has gas. Then I have to move his legs around to help him get it out.
- Malachi has amazing range when he pees. He hit a nurse 3 feet away when getting weighed and he's pretty good at peeing everywhere when his diaper is changed. Sometimes he gets to wear 3 outfits a day! The only time he doesn't pee is when he's getting bathed, which seems odd to me, but oh well.
- Malachi's favorite thing to watch on TV is Wavy 10 News - he loves the little jingle that precedes the show. He always likes to listen to his daddy talk. I think he has started to tune me out because I talk so much, but it's okay. I switch between English and French depending on just how tired I am, so maybe I'm confusing him.
- Malachi loves treadmills. I take this as a good sign. Whenever I take him down to the gym at our apartment to run on the treadmill, he sits mesmerized and then quickly falls asleep. If he becomes a fussy baby, I may become one heck of a runner.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Our Adoption Story
I guess I should probably explain how it is that we came to adopt Malachi. Growing up as a "foster sister" to newborns, I always knew I wanted to adopt eventually. At first we thought we would adopt after we I gave birth to a few kids, but God had different plans. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and having children wasn't really working. The doctors said we could try a bunch of other things, but we prayed about it and decided we wanted to at least start the adoption paperwork. Most of the people I know who adopted a child had to wait about 2 years, so we figured we'd better get started.
Around the middle of July we went to Bethany Christian Services to find out what this whole adoption thing was about. We started filling out paperwork, and all of a sudden, it seemed like things were moving really fast. We had to get background checks done and answer a bunch of questions about ourselves, but it was much less complicated than we had thought it would be. We did our homestudy in October (which is no big deal - the social worker comes over and makes sure you have screens in your windows, a working smoke detector, and no gross mold or something growing - I kind of think every family should have to do a homestudy before having a kid!), and we were officially approved at the end of October.
We found out a week later that our profile had been shown to a young mom who was due at the end of November, and she wanted to meet us. However, Aaron was taking classes in San Antonio, Texas, so it was just Audrey who got to go to the first meeting at the adoption agency with Ashley and her mother. They were awesome, and as nervous as I was, it went really well. I fell in love with Ashley immediately, and I had just walked through the door after the interview when my social worker called and said she had chosen us without even meeting Aaron! I was so excited I could hardly stand it!
Aaron got to meet her a week later, and he too fell in love. We talked about how she wanted us to be at the hospital when the baby was born, and we talked about how we are going to meet at least twice a year so she can visit. We'll also be sending pictures and letter to her at least 4 times a year (January, Mother's Day, August, and his birthday) until the age of 5 and at least twice a year until the age of 18. We talked about what we wanted to name him, and when we said Malachi, Ashley and her mother were so excited, because that was actually the name that they wanted! Ashley's mother told us that if Ashley had been a boy, she was going to name her Malachi, so it felt like God had given us this name for sure.
Malachi was due November 28th, but Ashley's mom said she was pretty sure he would come early. We were lying in bed wide awake at 5:00am on Saturday the 21st and couldn't figure out why until we got the call at 5:25 that Malachi had been born. We didn't get to be there for his birth because it happened so fast, but we got to see him within an hour of being born, so I think that's pretty good.
So, I guess that's our story. God brought us Malachi and he is our little miracle. My cousin Amanda emailed and said she was thinking about how tough it must be for Ashley to give Mac up, and how that is an amazing picture of how God gave up His Son Jesus for us. The whole adoption process has given us a better understanding of who God is and how much He loves us - what an awesome God who loves us enough to give up His son to die for us! Malachi means "Angel" or "Messenger of God", and it is our prayer that he will be a messenger of the Gospel of Christ.
Around the middle of July we went to Bethany Christian Services to find out what this whole adoption thing was about. We started filling out paperwork, and all of a sudden, it seemed like things were moving really fast. We had to get background checks done and answer a bunch of questions about ourselves, but it was much less complicated than we had thought it would be. We did our homestudy in October (which is no big deal - the social worker comes over and makes sure you have screens in your windows, a working smoke detector, and no gross mold or something growing - I kind of think every family should have to do a homestudy before having a kid!), and we were officially approved at the end of October.
We found out a week later that our profile had been shown to a young mom who was due at the end of November, and she wanted to meet us. However, Aaron was taking classes in San Antonio, Texas, so it was just Audrey who got to go to the first meeting at the adoption agency with Ashley and her mother. They were awesome, and as nervous as I was, it went really well. I fell in love with Ashley immediately, and I had just walked through the door after the interview when my social worker called and said she had chosen us without even meeting Aaron! I was so excited I could hardly stand it!
Aaron got to meet her a week later, and he too fell in love. We talked about how she wanted us to be at the hospital when the baby was born, and we talked about how we are going to meet at least twice a year so she can visit. We'll also be sending pictures and letter to her at least 4 times a year (January, Mother's Day, August, and his birthday) until the age of 5 and at least twice a year until the age of 18. We talked about what we wanted to name him, and when we said Malachi, Ashley and her mother were so excited, because that was actually the name that they wanted! Ashley's mother told us that if Ashley had been a boy, she was going to name her Malachi, so it felt like God had given us this name for sure.
Malachi was due November 28th, but Ashley's mom said she was pretty sure he would come early. We were lying in bed wide awake at 5:00am on Saturday the 21st and couldn't figure out why until we got the call at 5:25 that Malachi had been born. We didn't get to be there for his birth because it happened so fast, but we got to see him within an hour of being born, so I think that's pretty good.
So, I guess that's our story. God brought us Malachi and he is our little miracle. My cousin Amanda emailed and said she was thinking about how tough it must be for Ashley to give Mac up, and how that is an amazing picture of how God gave up His Son Jesus for us. The whole adoption process has given us a better understanding of who God is and how much He loves us - what an awesome God who loves us enough to give up His son to die for us! Malachi means "Angel" or "Messenger of God", and it is our prayer that he will be a messenger of the Gospel of Christ.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Malachi's Hospital Stay
Malachi was born on Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 5:20 am. We received a call from our social worker at 5:25 saying that he had been born, and we rushed to the hospital to see him. We got there around 6:30 just after his first bath. He weighed in at 7 lbs. 1 oz. and was 19.6 inches long. His birth mother, Ashley, had gotten to the hospital at 5:00am and delivered him just 20 minutes later - no medicines or anything! She was absolutely amazing! We spent most of the day with Malachi (or Mac as we like to call him), but we had to spend our time with him in the nursery with the nurses, because there wasn't enough room in the hospital for us to have our own room. We got to feed him and change him, and the nurses were great about letting us be with our new son.
Later on Saturday afternoon we took him to see Ashley. She held him and fed him while we went home and changed clothes. We came back later Saturday evening to check on him, but he was doing great. Ashley had friends and family there with her, and they were going to try to keep Malachi in her room for the night, so we went on home. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Ashley has 10 days to revoke her intent to give Malachi up for adoption, so there was a nagging fear in my mind, and I woke up at 2:00am worrying. God just kept reminding me that He is in complete control and that He loves Malachi even more than we do, and I have to rest in His love.
After a very short night, we headed back to the hospital about 6:30am. He had actually spent the night in the nursery, because he had been kind of fussy with Ashley and she needed to sleep. So we spent most of Sunday in the nursery with him (this time they let us use the "lactation room" - love the pictures of boobs and babies on the walls), so we had a little more privacy. He again spent part of the afternoon with Ashley and then spent the night with her. We got to stay at the hospital, but we didn't get to see Mac, because he was with Ashley.
Monday morning we were getting excited about taking him home, but unfortunately the "busy" doctors were too "busy" to do his circumcision until around 3:00, so we had to wait for the rest of the day! Ashley kept Malachi with her for a good part of the morning and early afternoon. He was finally circumcised (and there were a lot of tears our part, even if he didn't cry that much - it killed me to hear him in pain!). Ashley came to say good-bye to them, and we waited in our hospital room. She and her mother Krystal came in to see us, and I've never been part of such an emotional experience. The four of us cried and hugged and cried some more. We are so grateful for Ashley and her mother. They are truly amazing and love Malachi so much. What a blessing to have a birth family like that.
After all of the emotions, we finally got to sign the paperwork around 5:00 and we left the hospital about 6:00pm (They even let me carry him out! No carseat or wheelchair! Crazy!). After 3 long days, we were finally taking him home.
Later on Saturday afternoon we took him to see Ashley. She held him and fed him while we went home and changed clothes. We came back later Saturday evening to check on him, but he was doing great. Ashley had friends and family there with her, and they were going to try to keep Malachi in her room for the night, so we went on home. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Ashley has 10 days to revoke her intent to give Malachi up for adoption, so there was a nagging fear in my mind, and I woke up at 2:00am worrying. God just kept reminding me that He is in complete control and that He loves Malachi even more than we do, and I have to rest in His love.
After a very short night, we headed back to the hospital about 6:30am. He had actually spent the night in the nursery, because he had been kind of fussy with Ashley and she needed to sleep. So we spent most of Sunday in the nursery with him (this time they let us use the "lactation room" - love the pictures of boobs and babies on the walls), so we had a little more privacy. He again spent part of the afternoon with Ashley and then spent the night with her. We got to stay at the hospital, but we didn't get to see Mac, because he was with Ashley.
Monday morning we were getting excited about taking him home, but unfortunately the "busy" doctors were too "busy" to do his circumcision until around 3:00, so we had to wait for the rest of the day! Ashley kept Malachi with her for a good part of the morning and early afternoon. He was finally circumcised (and there were a lot of tears our part, even if he didn't cry that much - it killed me to hear him in pain!). Ashley came to say good-bye to them, and we waited in our hospital room. She and her mother Krystal came in to see us, and I've never been part of such an emotional experience. The four of us cried and hugged and cried some more. We are so grateful for Ashley and her mother. They are truly amazing and love Malachi so much. What a blessing to have a birth family like that.
After all of the emotions, we finally got to sign the paperwork around 5:00 and we left the hospital about 6:00pm (They even let me carry him out! No carseat or wheelchair! Crazy!). After 3 long days, we were finally taking him home.
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