For the second week in a row, I will start the blog with a disclaimer: I do not know everything (it's true), nor do I think that everything I have read or discovered is useful. However, I know a lot of people are interested in adoption but aren't sure where to start. So I'm going to try to break this blog down into a few different types of resources: adoption books, kids books about adoption, parenting resources, and anything else I can think of (websites, organizations, etc.). If you know of any good resources you have read or used, please comment! We did not do a whole lot of reading about adoption before we got Malachi because it all happened so fast (and haven't really had time to read much afterward), so I do not have a whole lot of resources. But hopefully the few that I do know of will get people started. So here goes.
Adoption Books
Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore : This book is awesome! Everyone should read it (regardless of whether or not you plan to adopt). It talks about how adoption is such an amazing picture of the Gospel, and how the church should be at the forefront of adoption both here and around the world. We loved this book.
I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World by Marguerite Wright : This book has some great information about race issues (or our fears about race issues which may or may not be true). This one helped calm some of our fears about adopting trans-racially and answered a lot of questions we had about issues that Malachi might face.
Kid's Books about Adoption
Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis : This book is one of my favorites. It's funny, well-illustrated, and so true! It's one of those books that makes you cry and laugh at the same time. Quite possibly the best children's book about adoption out there.
God Found Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren : This is an awesome book telling kids the adoption story and God's role in it. Definitely recommend it.
Parenting Books (I read a few books, and didn't adhere strictly to any of them ... I kind of took a moderate approach to all of the books I read and tried to use the good points from them and ignored the rest.)
The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D. : Great book about how to get through the first 3 months, how to calm a crying baby (the 5 S's - Swaddling, Side/Stomach, Shhh, Swinging, Sucking), and how to help your baby sleep longer. Good stuff.
On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam : This book is controversial, but useful. I am not a very good "baby wise" parent, as I am way too on the go to adhere strictly to a schedule and amazingly (my high school friends will not believe this) am a little too chill to be rigid about scheduling. But this book has great ideas for how to help your baby get on a schedule and sleep through the night. I love their eat, play, sleep method (rather than feeding your baby to sleep). I did not let Malachi "cry it out" until about 5 months, b/c the poor kid was hungry, but he pretty much learned to sleep through the night on his own anyway, just not at 10 weeks like the authors claim they can do. And Malachi can (and does) sleep anywhere. I am not rigid - if I want to go explore some place, I pack him up and take him along. Poor kid - I've been in line to get food and realized he has nodded off. And I've definitely forgotten to feed him while I was exploring the great outdoors and 2 hours later couldn't figure out why he was cranky. All this to say, it's a great book, but if it doesn't fit your lifestyle or personality, pick and choose what works for you and leave the rest. I did, and Malachi still sleeps 8+ hours at night and is a happy, content kid.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley : This has some great ideas for how to help your baby sleep through the night if you're not into the whole cry-it-out method. There are tons of suggestions on setting up a routine, and it has some good, useful information.
Other Resources
Bethany Christian Services : This was our adoption agency, and we love them! They do both domestic and international adoptions, and are nationwide (which is great for being in the military, since who knows where our next adoption process will occur). We highly recommend this agency!
ABBA Fund - Google it. I don't know a lot about it, but I know they have some resources about adoptions and the funding of adoptions (which will probably be a topic in a post very soon).
Baby Bargains by Denise and Aland Fields : This was my Bible when I went to register. It has reviews on anything and everything baby, and breaks the categories down by price. This was a great book to help me figure out which mattress, crib, carseat, highchair, etc. that I wanted. Definitely use it before you register, or you'll end up like me, deleting a ton of stuff from your registry and going back to put the correct things on.
365 Things Every New Mom Should Know by Linda Danis : This book has great practical ideas of things to do with your baby each day, following them developmentally. It also has a weekly devotional. Some of the ideas include songs, things to do for playing, how to get organized, how to get back in shape, etc. A friend gave this to me, and I've really enjoyed it.
Okay, so that's all I've got for now. As I said before, I'm not super well-read on adoption or parenting, and I know there are a TON of good resources out there. These are just the ones I've had experience with and liked. The children's books and the book Adopted for Life are the ones I can most confidently recommend. Hopefully this can at least be a starting point ... and usually, if you contact an adoption agency, they will have tons of resources and suggestions for you as well. And don't forget Google - it has become my best friend.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Big Fear: Hair and Skin Care
Let me start with a disclaimer: I am white (shocker, I know). Everything I know about AA hair and skin care I have only learned in the last 6 months from talking to other people and trying different things. Let me also state that I am a bit of a "granola mom", so that could affect my viewpoint. And I need to give credit to Kate Hermanson, who I call and email with all kinds of questions and who graciously gives me tips, hints, websites, and products. And to all my AA friends out there (or any of you white folk who have some experience), please feel free to "educate" me with any other tips and ideas.
Okay, I have found that whenever considering adopting an AA child, one of the biggest worries of prospective white families is what the heck to do with their hair and skin. This was one of my biggest concerns as well. I mean, I can't even do my own hair, let alone someone's hair who is completely different. I did not want my son to be out and everyone looking at him thinking, "Yep, his mom doesn't have a clue." So I did my research and asked questions, and found out that really, it's not that big of a deal.
The biggest thing for both hair and skin is MOISTURIZE! It's all about getting enough moisture so their skin isn't ashy and their hair isn't dry and brittle. That's it. No big secrets or surprises - just moisturize! But you have to be careful on how you do that. I try to make sure that there are no mineral oils in any of the products I use, or petroleum either (as these can just mask problems, giving them surface moisture but not actually moisturizing the skin or hair). I do not (and would definitely not recommend) use Johnson and Johnson products. They are not good for the hair, and the lotions have mineral oil in them. So, what do I use? Here's the rundown of things I've tried or plan on trying:
Shea Butter - PURE shea butter. You can buy it online and it's amazing. You have to really massaged it into the skin and the smell can be a little weird at first, but it goes away and is amazing. (Supposedly, this is what is used in Africa). We LOVE it.
Soaps: Malachi has eczema, so I have to use a special product that is non-sudsy and won't cause it to be worse. However, you really don't need to use soap that often, esp. when they're young. A lot of times if I'm not using his eczema soap, I just rub him down with some oil (Proclaim products are great - also use for his hair). I know my friend Kate used to use Aubrey Organics skin care products.
Miss Jessie's Creme de la Curl and Miss Jessie's Creme de la Creme. I just bought these and absolutely love them already for Malachi's hair. It keeps his hair soft and curly. They also have something called Baby Buttercream and Curly Pudding, both of which can be used for styling (I plan to buy these soon and give it a shot).
Carol's Daughter's - they have Hair Milk that I've heard is fantastic. Haven't tried it yet, but it's supposed to be good.
These are just a few of the things I've tried. You could even just use things like olive oil on their skin and hair (they might smell like an Italian restaurant, but it would work). I try to use products that won't strip his skin and hair of their natural oils and that will be relatively good for the environment as well. And I would not recommend bathing every night. I know that is often one of the suggested "bedtime" routines, but frankly, a baby doesn't need a bath every night, and it can just strip their skin and hair of the natural moisture they have. I only bathe Malachi about twice a week, and I always pour some oil in the water.
I hope this helps alleviate some of the fears a little. I would love suggestions if any of you have them! Oh - and I don't have a girl, but I know there are some things you have to learn about braiding, puffs, etc. that I won't have to worry about with Malachi. : ) But I would recommend getting a pick or large toothed comb (those little ones they give you in the hospital really don't work after the first month).
Again, this info is just from my own personal experience. There is a lot of information out there if you do your research, and there are tons of products available. So have fun with it - it's kind of cool to learn about and try new things.
Okay, I have found that whenever considering adopting an AA child, one of the biggest worries of prospective white families is what the heck to do with their hair and skin. This was one of my biggest concerns as well. I mean, I can't even do my own hair, let alone someone's hair who is completely different. I did not want my son to be out and everyone looking at him thinking, "Yep, his mom doesn't have a clue." So I did my research and asked questions, and found out that really, it's not that big of a deal.
The biggest thing for both hair and skin is MOISTURIZE! It's all about getting enough moisture so their skin isn't ashy and their hair isn't dry and brittle. That's it. No big secrets or surprises - just moisturize! But you have to be careful on how you do that. I try to make sure that there are no mineral oils in any of the products I use, or petroleum either (as these can just mask problems, giving them surface moisture but not actually moisturizing the skin or hair). I do not (and would definitely not recommend) use Johnson and Johnson products. They are not good for the hair, and the lotions have mineral oil in them. So, what do I use? Here's the rundown of things I've tried or plan on trying:
Shea Butter - PURE shea butter. You can buy it online and it's amazing. You have to really massaged it into the skin and the smell can be a little weird at first, but it goes away and is amazing. (Supposedly, this is what is used in Africa). We LOVE it.
Soaps: Malachi has eczema, so I have to use a special product that is non-sudsy and won't cause it to be worse. However, you really don't need to use soap that often, esp. when they're young. A lot of times if I'm not using his eczema soap, I just rub him down with some oil (Proclaim products are great - also use for his hair). I know my friend Kate used to use Aubrey Organics skin care products.
Miss Jessie's Creme de la Curl and Miss Jessie's Creme de la Creme. I just bought these and absolutely love them already for Malachi's hair. It keeps his hair soft and curly. They also have something called Baby Buttercream and Curly Pudding, both of which can be used for styling (I plan to buy these soon and give it a shot).
Carol's Daughter's - they have Hair Milk that I've heard is fantastic. Haven't tried it yet, but it's supposed to be good.
These are just a few of the things I've tried. You could even just use things like olive oil on their skin and hair (they might smell like an Italian restaurant, but it would work). I try to use products that won't strip his skin and hair of their natural oils and that will be relatively good for the environment as well. And I would not recommend bathing every night. I know that is often one of the suggested "bedtime" routines, but frankly, a baby doesn't need a bath every night, and it can just strip their skin and hair of the natural moisture they have. I only bathe Malachi about twice a week, and I always pour some oil in the water.
I hope this helps alleviate some of the fears a little. I would love suggestions if any of you have them! Oh - and I don't have a girl, but I know there are some things you have to learn about braiding, puffs, etc. that I won't have to worry about with Malachi. : ) But I would recommend getting a pick or large toothed comb (those little ones they give you in the hospital really don't work after the first month).
Again, this info is just from my own personal experience. There is a lot of information out there if you do your research, and there are tons of products available. So have fun with it - it's kind of cool to learn about and try new things.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Cross country travel and settling in
After 2 weeks of traveling, we finally made it to the amazing state of Washington. Traveling from coast to coast is never easy, and we were not excited about taking a 5-month old baby on this trip, but Malachi absolutely amazed us. Not only did he hardly ever cry or fuss in the car, but he managed to entertain himself for hours at a time, fall asleep on his own, and still sleep between 6-8 hours a night in the hotel. Wow. Aaron and I were both blown away by how easy going Malachi was (and is). Every time we'd take him out of the car when we stopped for the night at the Super 8 (free WiFi, free breakfast, and well, there weren't many other options in the middle of South Dakota and Montana), Malachi would start giggling and laughing. It was hilarious! Then he'd finally go to sleep in his Pea Pod (which is basically a mini tent with a built-in sleeping bag) and not wake up until the morning. Granted, he stuck to his East Coast time until just a couple of days ago, meaning that he was waking up at 4am and 5am depending on which time zone we were in, but it wasn't bad at all.
We toured Badlands National Park (he slept through the whole thing), Mt. Rushmore (where the temperature was about 45 degrees and the poor kid didn't complain a bit when we made him take the 1.5 mile hike around the mountain - good thing we had hats and blankets!), and Yellowstone National Park. Mac didn't seem to mind the sulfur smell too much, slept through much of the Canyon, and started to get cranky when it started raining and the wind was blowing 30 mph in quickly falling temperatures at Old Faithful and I refused to go change his diaper because I didn't want to miss the thing going off. So I guess his one bad mood wasn't really his fault. : )
We finally made it to our new apartment and Malachi was so excited to be someplace where he could spread out. He has now visited downtown Seattle, gone shopping at the outlet mall, gone jogging around a lake, and gazed at views of the mountains. At 5 months, he's done more than I did my entire life up to this point! He's tried 2 churches, where he listened attentively to the music, fell asleep for the sermon, and woke up just in time for communion. He has been a huge blessing, and we are so grateful for everyone's prayers during our travel and settling in. We are so thankful for his laid back personality (except that he is so laid back that he will probably never crawl or roll over because he's not motivated enough) and for his ability to help us make friends - everyone who sees him stops to talk to us, which makes it much easier to meet people in a new place where we know no one. God is good, and so far, all three of us seem to be enjoying this adventure He has for us.
We toured Badlands National Park (he slept through the whole thing), Mt. Rushmore (where the temperature was about 45 degrees and the poor kid didn't complain a bit when we made him take the 1.5 mile hike around the mountain - good thing we had hats and blankets!), and Yellowstone National Park. Mac didn't seem to mind the sulfur smell too much, slept through much of the Canyon, and started to get cranky when it started raining and the wind was blowing 30 mph in quickly falling temperatures at Old Faithful and I refused to go change his diaper because I didn't want to miss the thing going off. So I guess his one bad mood wasn't really his fault. : )
We finally made it to our new apartment and Malachi was so excited to be someplace where he could spread out. He has now visited downtown Seattle, gone shopping at the outlet mall, gone jogging around a lake, and gazed at views of the mountains. At 5 months, he's done more than I did my entire life up to this point! He's tried 2 churches, where he listened attentively to the music, fell asleep for the sermon, and woke up just in time for communion. He has been a huge blessing, and we are so grateful for everyone's prayers during our travel and settling in. We are so thankful for his laid back personality (except that he is so laid back that he will probably never crawl or roll over because he's not motivated enough) and for his ability to help us make friends - everyone who sees him stops to talk to us, which makes it much easier to meet people in a new place where we know no one. God is good, and so far, all three of us seem to be enjoying this adventure He has for us.
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