Birthmom update

So, I realized that a few weeks after my last blog about Malachi's birthmom not being able to be reached, I should probably update you with the awesome news that she contacted the agency and wants to visit Malachi! Apparently she never received any of the emails we or the agency sent her and took the initiative on her own to contact the agency and find out if we were still interested in coming to visit. We are beyond excited that she wants to continue to have a relationship with Malachi -- it's a big answer to prayers.

At the same time, it also brings up some tough questions. How often are we going to try to visit now? For how long will we visit every year, or when does it become a better option to visit every other year? At what age might Malachi not want to visit? Or what if he wants to visit more often? It's pretty darn expensive to fly out there (this time we're just sending Aaron and Malachi, and I'm staying home with the other two boys), but by the time you pay for plane tickets, rental car, hotel, food, etc, it will probably be close to $1,000. We've been wondering if maybe next year Malachi's birthmom would be willing to fly here to visit (we would pay for her plane ticket), but the problem with asking her to do that, is that the rest of her family won't get to see him (his birth grandma and aunts always come to the visits too). And how do you start a conversation with her and her family about the frequency of visits? As Aaron says, there's no way he can tell her, "Sorry, you'll have to wait two more years to see your son." We really want to continue our relationship with her, but paying $1,000 a year for 18+ years is a lot of money!

We talked with our adoption case worker about her thoughts on frequency of visits. She said it's natural to start visiting less frequently as a child gets older; age 5 seems to be a natural transition age for visits, because kids start school and their schedules make it harder to plan visits. We talked about other options for continuing communication with his birthmom, including Skype (I love that idea, esp. as he gets older), sending pictures and videos more frequently, and keeping an online photo site that she can check often (I use Shutterfly, but apparently she hasn't been able to get on the site, because her email changed and she never received the information from me). Hopefully Aaron will be able to talk through some ideas with her and her family and it won't be too awkward (prayers appreciated!).

All this to say, we are so happy that Malachi's birthmom wants to continue a relationship with him, and we're working through what that relationship will look like for our family in the future. With adoption, things are never boring or simple, that's for sure, but it is so worth it.