For those who don't know much about our adoptions of Malachi and Isaiah, we have a semi-open adoption agreement with Malachi's birthmom, and a pretty darn open adoption agreement with Isaiah's birthmom. What this means is that I send pictures and letters to our adoption agency 4 times a year for Malachi, and we would fly to Virginia twice a year to see her until he was two, and then we planned to continue trying to see her once a year. Isaiah's birthmom, who is the same age as we are, and who I spent three weeks hanging out with while Isaiah was in the hospital, has came to see us for Isaiah's first birthday and is coming again in a couple of months. I have a Shutterfly share site where I post pictures every couple of weeks for her and her family to see (Isaiah's birth grandma is hoping to come with his birthmom to visit in October!).
We love having such an open relationships with our boys' birthmoms. We have their pictures in the boys' baby books and hoped they would always be a part of our lives. They are a huge part of the boys' stories. So when we were unable to reach Malachi's birthmom to schedule our next visit, I was pretty upset. I mean, sure it's easier to not fly to Virginia with a 2-year old and a new baby, and sure it saves us money, but when I and the adoption agency never got replies to the emails we sent, and the phone number the agency had was disconnected, I felt really sad. I guess I had always assumed that we could reach Malachi's birthmom, esp. if there was an emergency. And I have this fear that maybe she thinks we didn't contact her to schedule a visit because we didn't want one. Maybe I have the wrong email address. I don't know, but I'm really disappointed. In some ways, it's like we've lost touch with a member of the family.
I guess all I can do is pray and hope that someday she'll contact the agency and we'll be able to resume contact with her. I'm hopeful that we just have wrong numbers and email addresses. But there's a part of me that knows that some birthmoms need to move on, that continual contact is too painful for them. Malachi's birthmom is a brave young woman, and if she needs to close a chapter of her life in order to start a new one, I need to accept that. It's just not easy.
My heart is breaking over this. I applaud you for having open adoptions, it's something I haven't come to peace with yet when we adopt. I have a lot of fears about it. I will be praying that some communication will come soon, either way she chooses to go.
ReplyDeleteWow, Audrey. What a hard thing. I worry for Malachi's birth mom and her situation and i hope you late able to contact her soon. Mostly, though, I am rejoicing that she found such an incredible family for Malachi; a family that not only loves and cherishes him but loves her as well. Your courage and faith and generosity of spirit is so inspiring. A beautiful expression of Real Love.
ReplyDeleteAshley -- if you ever want to talk about open adoptions with me, I'd love to share more! We were pretty scared about it at the beginning, but it has been a huge blessing so far.
ReplyDeleteMarilee -- thank you. Our hope is that people will see God's love through our adoption experience, including how we love our birthparents. Miss you!!!!