I thought your husband would be black!

It is a very good thing that I have a sense of humor and never get offended. Because I've heard it all when it comes to adoption. And I've noticed lately that the comments have been coming more frequently: "Is your husband darker?" "So, are you the babysitter?"

A friend asked if I thought the personal questions flow more freely because we live in the midwest now, surrounded by mostly white people who aren't used to more, um, "culture." However, I don't think that's really it. I think people are totally confused by the idea that we could have adopted two kids first, and then have gotten pregnant. Before I was pregnant, people kind of wondered, but for the most part they usually assumed the boys were adopted. But once they saw a pregnant lady out with two African American kids ... well, you could see their brains working as they looked at me and tried to figure the whole thing out. And if Aaron happened to be out with me somewhere, they were totally lost. And now that I have a little white, blond haired, blue eyed baby, they're even more confused. Am I babysitting the other kids? Do the boys have different daddies? Was I an unwed mother?

And of course, some people have no filter, and so they just ask. That's why if you're considering adoption, and especially a transracial adoption, you'd better have a sense of humor and be able to let things just roll off your back. You have to think through how to respond to the questions, when it's appropriate to share about adoption and when it's better to just leave people confused (I love when people ask if they're all mine, and I just say "Yes!" with a smile and move on, knowing they want more details). And you have to know that the mothers will get all kinds of questioning glances and that people will probably assume things that aren't true. But what do I care if some stranger thinks I've been married 3 times?! People who know us know our story, and who cares about the rest?!

Now I'm working on coming up with ideas for things my sons can say back to people who ask them questions as they get older. I prefer things that make people confused, things that are kind of an inside joke to us. I love the idea that all 3 of our boys will be able to stand together and say, "Yep, we're brothers" and know that people will be totally confused. I hope they learn to laugh at people's ignorance, rather than be hurt by it. Because really, if you're part of an adopted family, you'd better have some thick skin and be able to extend a lot of grace to people who just don't think before they speak.

P.S. A couple of months ago I wrote a blog on "What Not To Say" to adopted families. Check it out if you're really curious about how crazy the questions can be!