Fear Factor

So, I'm 34 weeks pregnant, and I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Not because of the whole giving birth thing (people pop out babies every day, right?) or the fear of having a newborn (this isn't my first time, you know), but because I have no idea how I'm going to survive the 3 boys under age 2 1/2 thing. Life right now is anything but easy -- a potty training 2-year old, a 14-month old who has just started sleeping through the night again after 2 months of waking up, but who will be transitioning to share his big brother's room starting tonight, a scramble to find a minivan before Kid 3 comes, a mom who is planning on helping me take care of the boys when I go into labor and after the baby comes but who just had an emergency appendectomy ... and the list goes on. What if I go into labor early and my mom can't be here? What if he comes early and we don't have a minivan yet and I go to jail for holding the poor kid on my lap? What if Isaiah and Malachi stay up all night in their shared room playing and talking for the rest of their lives and we never sleep again? Or what if Malachi climbs into the crib with Isaiah and squashes him, or hits him hard enough to give him a concussion, or picks him up and throws him out of the crib (if you know my son, you know that all of these are perfectly logical fears)? Can I really do this? It doesn't help that 99% of the people I meet look at me with pity when they realize I'm pregnant. Friends and family members alike are constantly asking, "How are you going to do this?!" What kind of answer am I supposed to give? No one seems genuinely excited that I'm going to be having a third son -- instead they feel sorry for me, tell me they're going to pray for me, etc. Believe me, I appreciate the prayers, but seriously?! I'm feeling bad for Kid 3, because it feels like others (and sometimes myself) see him as a burden rather than the amazing blessing that he is. To be truthful, I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but I figure if God can give me another son, he can give me the strength and wisdom to raise him. I want to be excited about the new little guy, not scared out of my mind. I want to celebrate his birth, not dread it. He's a little miracle baby who's going to be born into a crazy, chaotic house, but he's going to be loved. And heck, I was a teacher for 5 years -- my whole job was to corral 30+ kids and keep them from killing each other daily. Surely I can handle 3! If you really want to know how you can help encourage us and celebrate the new little guy, here's what I need: PRAYER. Not prayers of sympathy or feeling sorry for me, but specific, daily prayer. Prayer that the new guy will be a good eater and a good sleeper (if he ends up being anything like Isaiah was as a baby with colic, reflux and a host of other problems, I will probably die). Prayer that Isaiah and Malachi will transition well into sharing a room and that Isaiah will continue to sleep through the night. Prayer that Kid 3 stays put until very close to his due date so my mom can come out and stay with us. And prayer that we will have a peaceful transition to a family of 5. We've been so focused on not making a big deal out of having a biological child that I think we may have made it so that he doesn't feel celebrated and welcomed either. Yes, adoption is our passion, but having children is always a blessing from the Lord, no matter how you get them. I hope Kid 3 will feel as special and loved as our other two, by both us and those around us. And while I don't need a baby shower, I'm thinking maybe I should throw a big party to celebrate this little guy -- something to show him that he's loved, and that we're excited for him to be part of our family. And something with a Dairy Queen ice cream cake ... :)